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Either/or thinking is sabotaging your leadership

By Tim Arnold

 

Either/or thinking is effective at certain stages of life, like protecting toddlers from touching a hot stove or helping young students develop basic math skills. Sometimes it’s also necessary during the development and enforcement of processes, formulas and policies. However, what happens when this mentality is no longer enough? Or even worse, if it starts to sabotage a leader’s ability to lead?

This is an important question if HR wants to develop future leaders. There are inevitably times when the either/or mindset won’t be nuanced enough to handle all the complexities in life. This is especially true when it comes to conflicting values that circulate workplaces, such as:

  • How to determine when to persevere and when to quit? When to “try, try again,” or stop “beating a dead horse.”
  • How to shape a work ethic? Is it “work to live, not live to work,” or “good things come to those who hustle?”
  • How to create productive workspaces? Is it “eye on the prize,” for a salary, position or product object, or is it “put people first,” and ensure everyone always feels valued and included in the journey?

 

What if there was a way to say “yes” to both options? A way to achieve balance rather than getting trapped in advice that demands either/or solutions?

Dr. Barry Johnson’s work on the power of managing polarities teaches that it’s possible to leverage paradoxes, dilemmas and conflicting values. What’s more, Jim Collins’ research proves that leaders who move from good to great do not accept “The Tyranny of the or,” but instead embrace “The Genius of the and.”

 

How language changes in these thinking models

In the pursuit of becoming a thriving leader, a respected teammate, a trusted friend or a caring parent, it’s life-changing to embrace a “both/and” space rather than becoming stuck with only an “either/or” mentality. What does it look like to embrace the both/and mindset? It means getting comfortable with healthy tension.

The limitations of the either/or mentality become especially evident when facing tensions in life like dealing with conflicting viewpoints, situations with multiple perspectives or stressful decisions. The reality is, workplaces can be complex environments to navigate filled with diverse perspectives, so a model that is strong enough to manage healthy tensions is needed, such as:

  • Being task focused and relationship oriented.
  • Providing critical analysis and providing encouragement.
  • Giving freedom and expecting accountability.
  • Being truthful and candid and being tactful and diplomatic.
  • Preserving stability and tradition and stimulating innovation and change.
  • Thriving at work and thriving at home.

 

Like so many situations in life, these tensions are not a matter of right and wrong, they are a matter of right and right. Managing healthy tensions by saying “and” instead of “but” can certainly lead to more confrontation and discomfort, but it’s the kind of conflict that results in better and more informed decisions, and the kind of discomfort that results in growth.

How about your organization? Is leadership stuck? Are they using an either/or mindset to deal with complex leadership issues that require more than a simple right or wrong approach? Are they known for saying the word “but” more than the word “and?” Are diverse points of view and healthy conflict safe and celebrated in the organization?

The great news is that both/and leadership can be learned and every step taken in this direction is a step toward leadership development, team effectiveness and organizational success.

 

Tim Arnold is the president of Leaders for Leaders and author of The Power of Healthy Tension.

 

 

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